My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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