Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
