I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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