yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
