I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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