Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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