So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
