why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
