Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The air was thick with penises
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
