Swine flu. Run for my life!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
