Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
foreskin is a definite game changer
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
