I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
