At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
