i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize