We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He passed out mid-signature
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
