btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
