why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize