Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
