made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
