I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize