A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
