and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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