I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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