new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
