so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
