I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
