i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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