so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
