if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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