we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
