Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
