Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
