allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
