I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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