and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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