you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
