dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize