apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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