Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
