I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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