Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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