im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize