i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
