Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
