Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
