He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
