I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
