u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My ATM looks so different sober.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
