Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
