What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
