my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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