Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
