so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
