My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
