look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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