Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
