Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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