I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
