saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
