i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
