college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
