Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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