I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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