Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
