This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Welp...herpes.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
