The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
