Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just pynch a tree in the face
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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