I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
