Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize