dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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