I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
