Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
These tits shall not be calmed
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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