Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
