I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
