Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
