I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
