Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
