she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
