Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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