i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
