What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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