Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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