its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
