I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
