I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
