I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
