Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
