but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
