Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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