im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
