She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
