you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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