You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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