Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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