im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
