Please, let me fuck your mom
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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