i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
