can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
