dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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