You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
