my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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