he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
