Just cropdusted the office
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
