Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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