he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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