these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Your cock deserves a montage
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
