How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
