i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
