He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize