so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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